What Is Fashion? More importantly.... WHY???

I was perusing the Yahoo stories that come up on my homepage, and I came across an article titled "The Best Looks From New York Fashion Week".  I was bored enough to check it out, and what I found just baffled me.

You can do the same here:   https://www.yahoo.com/style/the-best-looks-from-new-c1424468703596.html

First things first, why is it illegal to smile when you are on the runway?  The message seems to be that looking either sulky or spaced-the-fuck-out is sexy.  FALSE!  It's creepy!  I mean honestly, just look - there's nothing in there!  No personality, no emotion... just dead space.

Secondly, I'd like to know WHO decides what's fashionable?  I looked up the definition in case I'd missed something in my 31 years:

Fashion - a popular trend, especially in styles of dress and ornament or manners of behavior.

Nowhere here does it tell me what crazy individuals are selected to decide "what's hot and what's not".  Whoever they are should probably be sent somewhere far far away from me, because I'm tempted to set the lot of them on fire right about now.

The picture that started this rant for me was this "coat"...

I don't even know where to start.  Why???  I guess that would be my first question.  Why would someone even think to create an extra large beer coozy with strips cut out of it and call it a coat?  Is that panty hose on his head?  Why is there an inverted bubble blower hanging out of his mouth?  Why is the brand painted on his knees?  What's going on here???

But alas, not only has someone created this monstrosity, it's FASHIONABLE.

This wasn't the only cringe-worthy outfit (but it was the scariest).  I have never understood the trends that flutter in and out - I'm partial to being comfortable and wearing what makes me happy.  My idea of fashion would make these people shudder, I'm sure.  But that's what I like, what makes me feel good.

What's wrong with that?

I don't even have a happy solution to this conundrum.  I'd hoped when I started this rant, I'd end it with smiles and puppies and butterflies, but I just can't find the path to it.  Perhaps another day.

I guess I should put Yahoo on my list of shit I shouldn't look at anymore.